What advice would you give to new writers?

 

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What advice would you give to new writers?

David Mitchell

On a Post-It note by my laptop is something Tom Stoppard said on the radio a few years ago: "It's all about people, Stupid!" (I don't think he added the "Stupid": that's there for my own benefit.) A maximum of one killer metaphor or simile per page should be ample, and watch out for the word "seem": it debases one's own currency, somehow. Think about how the writers who you love manage to make you love them. Prose that contains too many sentences beginning with the word "I" soon gets as tedious as people who begin too many sentences with the word "I".

Louis de Bernieres

Don't be at all hesitant to exaggerate and tell lies. People get trapped by stories which usually happened to themselves or to people they know, and they feel obliged to tell the truth. To tell it as it was. But the important thing is to know how to change the truth to make it a better story.

Beryl Bainbridge

I don't think you should ever try to make things up. We all lead such strange lives that there is no need to. Use your own experiences and then twist it a bit. You should read what you have written out loud. I write a paragraph at a time and I walk up and down reading it out loud. It has to go te tum te dum te tum te dum. If it doesn't, then there's a word wrong. It hasn't got rhythm, so I re-write it.

Phillip Pullman

"Don't. You'll never make it. You'll never earn a living. Get a decent job and forget all about it. It's a silly idea. There's no future in it."

Maeve Binchy

Always write as if you are talking to someone. It works. Don't put on any fancy phrases or accents or things you wouldn't say in real life. Say someone cried - don't say: "tears coursed down her face". Take it nice and easy, don't try to impress.

Other funny moments

Abi sedang main quis dengan dua bujang ttg para Nabi dan Rasul.

"What is Prophet Ibrahim's son name?"

"Ismail!"

Wafa dengan kalemnya nyeletuk, "I got Ismail in my class."

Hi hi hi.

"Who was the prophet who had another prophet as a cousin?"

"Harun!"

"I got harun in my class, too." Masih sambil menggaris-garis.

"Who was the most handsome prophet ever?"

"Yusuf!"

"I have yusuf as well in my class."

Hi hi hi.

"Who was the prophet who asked by Allah to slaughter his son?"

"Ibrahim!"

"I got...."

Sebelum Wafa selesai nyeletuk, ada yang memomotng. "You got a brother named Ibrahim as well, kan?"

"Yeah." Wafa mendongak dari kertasnya.

Ha ha ha.

****

Arik sering complaint, kenapa dia harus menjadi nomor satu melakukan apa saja, misal gosok gigi, pas mau bobo dsb.

Sekali, menggerutu dia protes lagi. "Why do I always to be the first to do everything?"

Dengan ringan Umi menjawab, "I also don't know why Allah gave me you as the first child."

Abi tertawa keras.

Abang Arik manyun.

***

 

Sholat Wafa 'Iniminimanimo'

Dua bujang sudah sholat rutin 5 waktu, sedang Wafa belum terlalu strick. Jika Imun sholat, dia selalu diajak. Namun, jika Imun tidak, menyuruh dia sholat.

Selalu, pulang sekolah, nyuruh sholat dia begini, £Wafa sholat, please."

"How many sholatnya?"

"Four."

"Four? I cannot do four."

"So, how many can you do, then?"

"Can I do two?"

"Okay."

Jadi, sholat Dhuhur dan ashar selalu dipotong jadi 2. Kalau Isya dia tidak sholat. Sudah jamnya tidur.

***

Sekali dia sholat Dhuhur dengan Imun. Ketika seharusnya baca al fatihah dan surah pendek, dia berbibisk, "Iniminimanimo."

Amppuuun.

Pas ditanya, "Why did you say iniminimanimo, Wafa?"

"Because I like it,"jawabnya dengan cuek.

Tinggal Umi rolling the eyes.

***

Sekali,

"I can do sholat four, now!" Ini the latest.

"That's great. Do it, then."#

Setiap sujud yang kedua, mau bangkit berdiri dia bersuara, "One."

Lalu. "Two."

sampai, "Four."

jadi dia counting rakaatnya that way.

Hi hi hi.

Agaian, "Wafa, you should not count your sholat that way. Just do it in your heart."

"Okey." Masih dengan gaya cueknya.

Ketika satu kali sholat tanpa macam-macam, dengan manisnya dia bertanya, "Is my sholat nice?" I did not say iniminiminimo, I did not count as well."

"Yes, welldone, Wafa. It's excellent!"

Tinggal ngajarin dia doa-doa tertentu.

 

"Five currant bun on the baker shop ...."Lagu plesetan Wafa

Sejak Ibrahim masih dalam kandungan, Wafa paling rajin menyapa adiknya, atau menyanyikan nursery rhymes. Paling sering itu, ba ba black sheep, twnkle little star, atau the baker shop. Dia juga sering menciptakan lirik sendiri.

Sekali, sambil keluar kamar, setelah dia puas bernyanyi untuk adiknya, dia bersenandung,

"Five 'o'ok'  in the baker shop.....*o'ok = bab*

Round and fat with the cheryy on top.

Along came Uni Wafa with a penny one day..."

Terdengar diam sejenak. Lalu, "Oh no, I don't like o'ok."

Uni ngikik sendiri

The Grass don't like IT!

Pagi kemarin berjalan berlima. Ibrahim di atas pushchair, tiga bocah di sisi kiri kanan. Ketika lewat jalan pintas (masuk kompleks General Hospital), Umi menghentikan pushchair dan menghampiri semak-semak, mengeluarkan sesuatu bersebab batuk.

Tau kan? D*@ak.

"What did you do, Umi?"

"Took out something from my mouth."

"I know what's that." Arik menyebutkan namanya.

"Yuck." Muhammad.

Pura-pura cool. "Do you know why Umi did it? Not just spit it on the road?"

"No. Why?"

"Because, Rasulullah said, when you spit, you should not bother people, cover it with sand. So, spit it on the road id agaist what rasul wanted us to do. So, I spit on the grass, out of people's way."

"I bet the grass don't like it." Muhammad AGAIN.

"Well, in fact, the grass like it."

"Yeuch, how?"

"Because the grass lives on germs. My spit full of germs."

Umi mulai ngaco dah. Maksud germs yang pertama adalah cacing, kompos dan teman-teman. Lha, d*@#k apa memiliki germ yang sama?

At least, until they learn proper Biology, Umi is safe, he he he

The Beauty of Creation/ Autum

Sebelum perayaan lebaran bersama di Nunsmoor, sengaja jalan di belakang, motret yang bisa.
Sampai Abi terpaksa retraced the path, kuatir Umi 'nyasar' ke tempat perayaan lain, he he he

Foto untuk Mak Enggi dan mak Tuo

Berjanji untuk memuat foto-foto anak2 terbaru. Adik sudah bisa mengakses multiply dan memprint foto-foto kemenakan sehingga paman yang lain dan kakek anak2 bisa ikut melihat. Keponakan di Pekan Baru menjadi simpul untuk keluarga sebelah Bukittinggi.

The joy of technology.